I struggled with physical and mental health issues for years after I started my lab because as a junior faculty the pressure to submit to your superior's crazy demand was at an all time high. It doesn't help that everyone around you tells you that it's nothing uncommon and therefore acceptable.
Breaking away from it has had its own cost but it's absolutely worthwhile to pay.
Yes, it's interesting how everyone in higher education thinks that the dysfunctional system is totally normal and that there's something wrong with you for questioning it. At least that's how I always felt.
Once I removed myself from it and started telling my story, people would read it and literally they would leave comments like: "This is just unbelievable. How did you stay in this for so long?"
I hear you. I went to therapy for this exact reason. My therapist helped me prepare questions or simulate situations with my boss because she totally freezed me. I knew what I wanted to say to her but I physically couldn't. The sound of my phone buzzing had me shiver in dread. I eventually left.
Wow, Federica, I'm so glad you were able to get out of that situation. I had a boss where I had things written in a planner on some index cards with some phrases that I would say to her when she came at me with some of her crazy requests. Some of the things she said would literally make me speechless.
I am so sorry you had to go through this! I am not even mad at her because this is just who she is. At least I learned my peace of mind is more important than any salary, position, or reputation!
Yeah, good on you. You learned it a lot quicker than I did. I stayed way too long. Btw, thanks for the re-share of one of my notes the other day. Always appreciated 😊
Thanks, David. Appreciate that. It is really amazing how so much of our physical reaction is rooted in our childhood and usually through trauma. Until you recognize it and become more self-aware, it just automatically replays itself.
So many of us chalk up physical symptoms to 'just stress' without recognizing it’s actually our body trying to scream over the noise. Massive congrats on the workbook Bette....
So much of our behavior is informed by our childhood. We just don't know it. And until you become more self-aware, that unconscious self runs the show.
This workbook is just for this particular article. I think I'm going to try and do more of those for the specific posts that I do every week. I love doing them, but they're time-consuming AF 😂
I get it. Feeling like you need to give people what they want but sometimes building something in a niche or less sparkly topic just takes longer. It’s harder to measure, and it doesn’t always show up in the metrics right away. But it doesn’t mean it’s not working.
That said, you do have to be willing to be satisfied with a little less glitz and glamour if you do go that route.
I love this way of bringing together care of the vagus nerve with ways to address our main style, whether fight, flight, freeze or fawn. This is really helpful to call us to self-awareness and self-regulation.
Thanks Hans! Glad you liked it! I thought I would try writing about something a little bit different this time. Stretch myself. But there really is something to be said with how our body reacts and it's ingrained from childhood. Usually trauma.
Important topic and you covered it well. Those impulses going to your brain can definitely call the shots; sometimes that’s good, but more often disabling.
Thanks Todd. I hope you're having a great week so far. TGIF tomorrow. Can you believe it? Yeah. So many times we react and it happens so quickly. We don't even know it's happening. You have to really become self-aware to be able to stop it and redirect it.
So good! Many of our challenges across all facets of life can be attributed to a dysregulated nervous system. I also love that you point out many of these default reactive tendencies can be traced back to childhood experiences, which is where therapy empowers a significant opportunity for leaders to identify where their past is invading their present.
Yes, 100% Josh. This is a fairly new way of looking at things. I remember when I was introduced to emotional dysregulation a few years ago. I kept thinking this would've been really helpful to have 20 years ago. The entire framework just allows you to work through more than traditional talk therapies by themselves.
How awful that you felt so bad for so long, Bette. And brilliant that you escaped to do your own thing.
I should have left way before I did, but hindsight's 20/20.
I feel like we had the same job!!:)
We will have to swap some stories Melissa! I hope you're having a fabulous weekend 😊
I struggled with physical and mental health issues for years after I started my lab because as a junior faculty the pressure to submit to your superior's crazy demand was at an all time high. It doesn't help that everyone around you tells you that it's nothing uncommon and therefore acceptable.
Breaking away from it has had its own cost but it's absolutely worthwhile to pay.
Yes, it's interesting how everyone in higher education thinks that the dysfunctional system is totally normal and that there's something wrong with you for questioning it. At least that's how I always felt.
Once I removed myself from it and started telling my story, people would read it and literally they would leave comments like: "This is just unbelievable. How did you stay in this for so long?"
I hear you. I went to therapy for this exact reason. My therapist helped me prepare questions or simulate situations with my boss because she totally freezed me. I knew what I wanted to say to her but I physically couldn't. The sound of my phone buzzing had me shiver in dread. I eventually left.
Wow, Federica, I'm so glad you were able to get out of that situation. I had a boss where I had things written in a planner on some index cards with some phrases that I would say to her when she came at me with some of her crazy requests. Some of the things she said would literally make me speechless.
I am so sorry you had to go through this! I am not even mad at her because this is just who she is. At least I learned my peace of mind is more important than any salary, position, or reputation!
Yeah, good on you. You learned it a lot quicker than I did. I stayed way too long. Btw, thanks for the re-share of one of my notes the other day. Always appreciated 😊
COVID helped! The whole world froze and my boss ghosted me, making it easier to do the same :) you're very welcome, I love your content!
Aww, well, thank you, I really appreciate that, Federica. COVID was the turning point for me as well. It really did make me reassess my priorities.
Same here, Bette! Had massive stress induced migraine for many years. Since two years, after switching gears, I don’t even have slight headaches.
Life is so short!
I know right! I could not believe how the headaches just disappeared. It was literally the stress of the job that was causing them.
A very important article!
Thanks, David. Appreciate that. It is really amazing how so much of our physical reaction is rooted in our childhood and usually through trauma. Until you recognize it and become more self-aware, it just automatically replays itself.
So many of us chalk up physical symptoms to 'just stress' without recognizing it’s actually our body trying to scream over the noise. Massive congrats on the workbook Bette....
So much of our behavior is informed by our childhood. We just don't know it. And until you become more self-aware, that unconscious self runs the show.
This workbook is just for this particular article. I think I'm going to try and do more of those for the specific posts that I do every week. I love doing them, but they're time-consuming AF 😂
yea we haven’t zoomed in a minute.
I started doing them but no one wants to read my “work work” stuff.
I gave up.
You gotta give the people what they want hahahahaha
I get it. Feeling like you need to give people what they want but sometimes building something in a niche or less sparkly topic just takes longer. It’s harder to measure, and it doesn’t always show up in the metrics right away. But it doesn’t mean it’s not working.
That said, you do have to be willing to be satisfied with a little less glitz and glamour if you do go that route.
I'll keep the tiny glitz and glamour I have thanks 😂
The truth is I really hate writing 'work work' stuff anyway. Goodnight Bette.
I love this way of bringing together care of the vagus nerve with ways to address our main style, whether fight, flight, freeze or fawn. This is really helpful to call us to self-awareness and self-regulation.
Thanks Hans! Glad you liked it! I thought I would try writing about something a little bit different this time. Stretch myself. But there really is something to be said with how our body reacts and it's ingrained from childhood. Usually trauma.
Important topic and you covered it well. Those impulses going to your brain can definitely call the shots; sometimes that’s good, but more often disabling.
Thanks Todd. I hope you're having a great week so far. TGIF tomorrow. Can you believe it? Yeah. So many times we react and it happens so quickly. We don't even know it's happening. You have to really become self-aware to be able to stop it and redirect it.
So good! Many of our challenges across all facets of life can be attributed to a dysregulated nervous system. I also love that you point out many of these default reactive tendencies can be traced back to childhood experiences, which is where therapy empowers a significant opportunity for leaders to identify where their past is invading their present.
Yes, 100% Josh. This is a fairly new way of looking at things. I remember when I was introduced to emotional dysregulation a few years ago. I kept thinking this would've been really helpful to have 20 years ago. The entire framework just allows you to work through more than traditional talk therapies by themselves.